Hey, little girl… There’s so much to tell you.
It’s November 2, 2017. I’m on a flight from Atlanta back home. I’m listening to the song “Life” by Sleeping At Last on repeat.
there is so much to tell you. there is so much to see. we will show you the oceans and everything in between. what a privilege to love you, to teach you all that we know, to watch you build a collection of dreams that you can call your own.
It has made me think of the big picture of you as our child and me as your father. One day you will look back, as I have, and say, “Was my father a good father?” It makes me consider my legacy and what I’m leaving behind… You. There’s so much I want you to know. You’re going to start your life thinking you know everything (your mother and I did). But there’s so much about your mother and I that I want you to know…
Not only about us, but about the world and the things we have seen and learned. There’s so much that I wish I had recorded for your sake, and maybe that is something I will undertake before you get here.
Flying over cities at night makes me think about how big this world is… And how small yours is. Every pair of headlights and every light down there represents a person in this world. Everybody has been somewhere and is going somewhere and their whole world is not yours. People all have stories. People all have a reason for being they way they are. Never discredit anyone for their stage in life, the way they dress, or even the way they act (whether any of this is better or worse than yours). Instead, ask people their story. You will most likely find a person that is willing to share their story and tell you exactly why they are where they are in life. You will almost always find brokenness – if there’s honesty. Don’t think of yourself more highly than others. Don’t expect a certain level of treatment from others because you think it’s what you deserve. You may deserve it, but the person on the other end probably feels the same way.
For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. – Romans 12:3 NIV
People will hurt you. Friends will decide to be enemies. Boyfriends will leave you. And your precious heart will be broken. But you must know that your identity cannot be found in those relationships or those people. But also, don’t be like your father. I was always too scared to invest in relationships. I kept friends at arm’s length for many reasons. One reason was probably because I didn’t want people to know the real me. I figured if they did know the real me, they wouldn’t like me. “I feel like I wouldn’t like me if I met me.” So I struggled to find my place I fit and I never really did. So I masqueraded as someone else to fit in, but stayed far enough away to not have any solid relationships. Don’t do this. Be yourself and find people who like the real you. Pursue relationships with other people. People have the same insecurities and deficiencies we have. If you’re scared to talk to someone, that means they’re probably scared to talk to you. This makes me think of a room full of strangers… They won’t talk to each other until one person takes the initiative to start something. Pursue people. People hesitate to open up, but when you’re able to meet people where they are… In their mess… In their struggles… In their insecurities, you can plop down right beside them and share yours or say, “me too.”
In a world of fakes and facades, people will hesitate to be honest with you about themselves. You will have strengths and weaknesses. Use your strengths to speak truth into others. Your gifts are made to fit into the holes of other people’s weaknesses. Pursue them to find their needs and meet those needs.
“Be comfortable being uncomfortable.” This has been our motto of sorts. There will be times you face decisions that are uncomfortable, but the right path is undeniable. So do you choose to stay comfortable? Or do you move toward God and the uncomfortable? Your mother and I have tried earnestly to move toward the uncomfortable… And we have seen God’s faithfulness every time (that’s how we ended up in Turkey, Haiti, and the inner city).
Use your strengths, but also use your weaknesses. When people around you are struggling to keep a happy face on, your weaknesses are a breath of life and fresh air. Not because someone else will look down upon you because of your weaknesses and elevate themselves over you (though this may happen), but because sharing your weaknesses with others will tear down walls. When you share an area of weakness or struggle, someone else will resonate with that and say, “me too.” The enemy wants you (and everyone else) to think you’re alone… You’re the only one struggling… You’re the only one that doesn’t have a perfect life….. This is a lie. The more you avoid the facades around you, the quicker you’ll see the reality of brokenness and weaknesses. God’s power is made perfect in our weaknesses, therefore we will boast all the more – for when we are weak, he is strong! Boast in your weaknesses.
Live above reproach. Have nothing to hide. When you tell someone you’re going to do something, do it. If someone asks you something, don’t lie. Don’t cover up with lies. Lies create more lies and you end up in a tangled web that you don’t know how to get out of. Trust me… I know. When I was in high school, I lied about everything. I lied for many reasons, but mainly it was too avoid or postpone something for the instant gratification. If I lie and say I did my homework, that means I can play video games now. But what I found was that the lies become easier. My mom would ask if I had cleaned my room and I would lie and tell her yes. When your lies become so blatant (and evident), you’re in deep. I remember she told me she’d throw away everything she found on my floor… I told her that was fine. She did it… and threw away my shoes… So I went to church barefoot that night. Don’t think you’re wiser than your parents. I’ve been there.
Live above reproach. There’s freedom there. When you can live your life with nothing to hide, you can have peace and confidence. If someone wants to take your phone or someone wants to trace your steps and catch you in a lie or dig up dirt, they can’t. When someone questions your character, you don’t have to lie. You can speak truth boldly and with confidence. When you live above reproach, your yes becomes yes and your no becomes no.
